cousinbarnabas
cousinbarnabas:

Now that I’ve been a father for 8 weeks, let me tell all you other parents what you’ve been doing wrong: 1: Duct tape is a perfectly acceptable tool to keep a pacifier in a baby’s mouth. 2: Toss a blanket and a few stuffed animals into the trunk of your car to create a mobile play pen. It’s can also be used for overnight care! 3: Despite what the internet might tell you, babies six months old and younger cannot be trained to fight each other.  4: A single can of Vienna Sausages can feed two people. The parent gets the sausages; the baby will enjoy the preservative gelatin that pools in the bottom of the can. 5: Never, ever hit a child in anger. Only hit them when you’re feeling euphoric. Remember to laugh manically so the child knows you’re not angry. 6: Parents are allowed to offer unsolicited advice to absolutely anyone. Take advantage of your new-found position as a social elder to shove your values down everyone’s collective throat. 7: Kids will learn profanity on the street, or they will learn it at home. They’re going to swear, so it’s your responsibility to make sure they use naughty words correctly.

cousinbarnabas:

Now that I’ve been a father for 8 weeks, let me tell all you other parents what you’ve been doing wrong:

1: Duct tape is a perfectly acceptable tool to keep a pacifier in a baby’s mouth.

2: Toss a blanket and a few stuffed animals into the trunk of your car to create a mobile play pen. It’s can also be used for overnight care!

3: Despite what the internet might tell you, babies six months old and younger cannot be trained to fight each other.

4: A single can of Vienna Sausages can feed two people. The parent gets the sausages; the baby will enjoy the preservative gelatin that pools in the bottom of the can.

5: Never, ever hit a child in anger. Only hit them when you’re feeling euphoric. Remember to laugh manically so the child knows you’re not angry.

6: Parents are allowed to offer unsolicited advice to absolutely anyone. Take advantage of your new-found position as a social elder to shove your values down everyone’s collective throat.

7: Kids will learn profanity on the street, or they will learn it at home. They’re going to swear, so it’s your responsibility to make sure they use naughty words correctly.

"If we are to give Wood the benefit of the doubt, we would say the Monster is our own unbridled determination to unlock secrets that are not ours to know. Just as Janet almost met her destruction in her quest to uncover the mystery of the Lake Marsh monster. Just as Dr. Vornoff met his own demise after pursuing his army of atomic ubermenschen. Just as men around the world were hitting particles together to create atomic power beyond their control, we discover the greatest danger comes from our newfound knowledge, paired with the lack of experience in understanding how to use it peacefully."

Ed Wood’s BRIDE OF THE MONSTER.

More: http://www.collinsporthistoricalsociety.com/2014/09/monster-serial-bride-of-monster-1955.html